Tag Archive: trauma
I first tried psychedelics around the end of highschool, and then after year one of acting college I dabbled a bit more. After school I started working in the city, where I hit some rough patches in my well being. Some traumatic life experiences coupled with adjusting to the 9-5 working lifestyle of the city, led me to be more intentional with how I was taking psychedelics. In 2016, I started reading Paul Stamets and watching content on YouTube. I wanted to create a proper foundation for understanding and using Psilocybin as medicine.
I hadn’t had a relationship with a counsellor or even a medical doctor that I felt I could be transparent and honest about my past and present drug use. I had a lot of shame and guilt around taking drugs, partly rooted in my family. It was hard for me to get past the stigma to be able to get the help I needed. I wanted to find a productive, trustworthy relationship to allow me to feel safe while I experimented. I had doubts about doing it right; I wondered if I was trying to normalize an addiction/dependence on external substances to feel ok. I wanted a knowledgeable health care professional to reassure me, and to be able to bounce information off of them from what I was reading, watching on the internet, and learning from experts.
I found a counsellor at Gordon Neighbourhood house in Vancouver and told her straight up “I want to microdose before the sessions I have with you and be transparent about that, see where it goes”. She was open to it and agreed.
We met weekly for three months. It was amazing – she was so friendly, curious about the process, about why I was doing it. It really helped me to dig into parts of my psyche especially as it related to childhood trauma, recent trauma, and how those related to my anxiety, shame and depression. I felt consciously malleable, and willing to clarify my thoughts, or let go of what thoughts were not serving me.. I felt safe to offer those up to her and to myself and we could, in that moment, pick it apart and embrace the truth beneath all of the muddiness. Transform it into healthier perspectives – really at the heart of the study of fungi is the alchemy of turning what no longer serves us into fruit.
In the time between then and now I have had a somewhat casual relationship with taking psychedelics. But recently with the pandemic and the stress and health concerns it brings, I’m back into a more comfortable routine, having it be a part of a weekly regimen for aligning the connections between my body, health & mind. I like to put a dime-sized pinch of dried mushrooms into a morning smoothie.
Film Industry, Artist